i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
