if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
