I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
