that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
operation have a gay friend backfired
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
