hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
