Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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