Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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