woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
