I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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