if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
