I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
