Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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