their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
even my farts smell like vagina
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
BRING THE BAGELS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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