I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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