mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
everyone is single if you try hard enough
operation harelip BJ is a go
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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