Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
