Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
