he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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