at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
