I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
