Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
