My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
