I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
