so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A+ Viking dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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