R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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