going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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