john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
