Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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