her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
