My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
