it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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