i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
