Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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