Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i came on her dog
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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