Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
