we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
