he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
