just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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