doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
