Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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