some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
