hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
