I wish I could punch you in the face.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
