So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
