all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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