I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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