the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
