Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize