I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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