dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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