Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
