Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
