she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
