i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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