He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
