There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
