matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
