I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize