dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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