I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
