I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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