And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
