Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
